It’s been a tough day. I got some work done but nowhere near what I needed to and that’s not good. I took the dog downtown and we hung out in some air conditioning to finish up the writing. On my way I passed the construction site for the new library and they have a blackboard on the chain link fence. On it, people are free to write what they learned in life. I wrote “to do what I love because there may not be a 2nd chance.”
I’ve been living my dream but I haven’t realized it until the past week or two.
So today, I get home, log onto Facebook and find out a dear friend of mine passed away. Now, something like a deadline seems trivial. She would be pissed if I didn’t meet my goal at the end of the month but how can I focus when all I can see are my memories of us running through my head like a movie? She was just under 2 months shy of turning 30 and everything seemed to be falling into place for her. Something like this was certainly not expected.
It’s amazing how mercurial life is. Looking through her latest photo album on Facebook, it’s impossible to believe that at that point she only had 2 weeks left to live and no one knew it. It’s so easy to take life and all that we’re capable of for granted. Life isn’t fair but what’s really unfair is that for some people they would be more than happy to live our worst day for us. If someone would be willing to do that, what are we taking for granted? I’ve been reading memorial posts through out the evening and it still hasn’t sunk in.
I don’t want to go to bed tonight. I suppose it’s my own form of Shiva. In my very limited experience this is always the trend. It’s as though by going to sleep it’s the official event that separates life before and life after. It’s not rational and completely illogical but it’s what I do.
So for tonight I’ll do my writing, wipe the tears sneak out of my little eyes and try to keep the chasm between before and after from widening any further.