It’s been so long since I’ve been here I almost forgot how to write a post. Where did my creativity go? What defines my style? I’m so rusty I can’t even think of a witty simile or metaphor. That’s pretty bad.
Life has been flying past me at an obscene rate. Work is keeping my out of trouble, which is both good and bad, and my social calendar is filling up quite nicely. My writing, however, has really suffered. In honour of my favourite month of the year, I’ve been brainstorming a scary short story and by brainstorming I mean entertaining myself at work. Have I written one word? Nope.
Honestly, I think the pitch in September crippled me more than I expected. I don’t have the blind optimism anymore and the amount of work involved in pursuing the “published author” dream is daunting at best. I know they didn’t pooh-pooh my story but to think that I’m going to have to essentially write a whole new book because the book I pitched was certainly not the one I wrote. This is one of those times when I sincerely hope nothing comes of this experience.
I want to get back into my writing. I miss the frenetic pace and the wild abandon as I delve into my imagination but there are just so many things happening right now that are distracting me or simply more attractive than sitting at a computer for hours on end. I’ve been debating about getting a tablet for ages and I think it might just be time. Lucille the Laptop is really slowing down now and pen and paper just won’t cut it. It’s an expensive gamble and I really don’t need another gadget but at the same time I want to get back into my creativity. I just don’t know how to do that.
Living in your head is only worth it if you enjoy the experience. I love being able to think about the story as I work and figure out where things are going and what my characters are up to. It’s been too long since I’ve felt the thrill of a story developing. I know we all go through these peaks and valleys but it’s scary when you’re on a downturn. How long will it last? It’s such an insidious problem. The things in life that are most important are the things that sometimes require the most effort. What do you do if you run out of energy for the fight?
I know I have to make an appointment with my creativity coach. I need to go to Writer’s Bootcamp. Pascal has been suspiciously silent for far too long. I will happily fight off his disparaging comments and insults because it means I’m actually working and what I’m writing may actually turn into something half-decent. When he doesn’t even deign to make an appearance, I know I’m in trouble.
It feels like a big part of me has been frozen. It’s awful to have this particular part of me so numb for so long. I want to snap out of it but it’s going to be a painful process. My little support group has been scattered in the wind and it’s time for me to collect them and get back into my head. Maybe to start things off I’ll work on my short story and post installments over the rest of the month. Would you be interested in reading a scary Halloween short story as I write it?